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It’s never too late to find yourself.

Can you believe this picture? Lol there is not even any room for Granny Clampet to sit in the back of the truck!

Exactly a year ago today I loaded up the truck and I moved to Beverlyyyyy….Hills that is.

Ha! Far from it.

I loaded up the truck and I moved to Southern Illinois.

Back to my Grandparents Farm, where I rode and dreamed big dreams when I was a kid.

Where I rode in endless circles and dreamed of being a horse trainer.

Where I learned to show.

Where my cousin and I hid in the hayloft and told stories.

Where I learned to drive by pulling a horse trailer when I was 11 because my Grandfather was too tired to get us home.

Where I learned how good it felt to work hard all day and eat tomatoes and corn on the cob from the garden and go to bed feeling like I did something.

I would dream all year of spending the summers with my Grandparent’s farm.

And the day school let out, my grandfather would pick my sister and I up and we wouldn’t come home until a couple days before school started.

I had such big dreams.

All my life I just wanted to live in the country and train horses.

Then I turned 18 and well, I guess, I chickened out. Didn’t think I was good enough.

Everyone said I would never make money, that I would never “make it”.

So I thought maybe they were right, and I went a different path.

I started a video production company.

Got married.

Had my daughter and even lived in a little apartment outside of Chicago of all places for a short period of time.

A million miles from my dreams.

I was madly in love with my baby girl, don’t get me wrong.

But I was a fish out of water.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

I had a picture of an old barn that hung on the bedroom wall.

At night in the dim shine of the parking lot light, I would see that picture and many times cry myself to sleep.

And I would pray God would take that dream to ride away. That longing to be with the horses. Just to even smell them.

My husband at the time could not understand it (or me) and for many years, I didn’t either.

It’s just an animal I would scold and beat myself up. “What’s wrong with you?”

It took me a long time to figure out there was nothing wrong with me, I just wasn’t being me!

You don’t need to hear my whole life story.

That was over 20 years ago that I started back down the path to find me, hours and hours in the saddle, riding in circles upon circles.

Figuring me out it’s a journey and that the destination keeps moving.

But I know I am on the right path this time.

Back to a year ago, moving back to the farm.

I woke up one morning several months into Covid and just decided I needed to go home.

I knew the farm was empty, so I called my wonderful Uncle who owns it now and plead my case, he agreed, supported my dream. And here I am.

It’s surreal sometimes. It has taken me a year to kinda get my heels dug in.

But I know I am finally home.

With my little barn, my horses, Bella and Mr. Meow.

My to-do list is still so long!

But it is time again to feed my soul to dream again. To dream big dreams and to live them.

To live those dreams I dreamed as a little girl.

Maybe you can relate?

Maybe life has taken you from your truest self too?

Time to go find her.

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MEET THE AUTHOR

I’m Jen.

Most days you will find me with a coffee in one hand, hot pink manure pick in the other with my mind bubbling over dreaming up ways to help my horse girl sisters find their true selves & ride their best life every. single. day.

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